View Full Version : Humor & Jokes
- Promise me not to laugh
- Tiger Woods
- I Truly Did Not Know This!!
- Why did you laugh?
- I'm gonna break it in half!
- EPIC FAIL
- Kids on Marriage
- Company Circular Joke
- Application to Date my Daughter
- Tornado Rips Through Graveyard
- Jokes
- Worst Joke in mankind history
- Daily Random Jokes
- [Random Joke]
Every night after dinner, Harry took off for the local watering hole. He woul
- [Random Joke]
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter says, "You look like Einstein,
- [Random Joke]
A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When
- [Random Joke]
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.
- [Random Joke]
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a ca
- [Random Joke]
A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the s
- [Random Joke]
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs ori
- [Random Joke]
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at le
- [Random Joke]
Top ten things that sound dirty in golf but aren't...
10. Nuts...my shaft is
- [Random Joke]
Two boys were playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by
- [Random Joke]
My husband and I were in the car heading home from a weekend trip out of town
- [Random Joke]
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by
- [Random Joke]
One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the s
- [Random Joke]
A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home.
- [Random Joke]
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.
- R kelly
- [Random Joke]
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their
- [Random Joke]
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend,"
- [Random Joke]
A teacher comes into the class room and there is a red apple with the letter
- [Random Joke]
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if a
- [Random Joke]
A man on a construction site 30 floors up had to go to the bathroom. He ap
- [Random Joke]
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife
- [Random Joke]
One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy hi
- [Random Joke]
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a
- [Random Joke]
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
- [Random Joke]
It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot.
- [Random Joke]
Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the l
- [Random Joke]
It was the first day of school, and a new student, the son of a Japanese b
- [Random Joke]
There was once a hillbilly who was extremely sad with life because people alw
- [Random Joke]
Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House,
Al Gore was e
- [Random Joke]
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the comput
- [Random Joke]
These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes inclu
- [Random Joke]
Boss asks secretary "Do you know what the difference is between a Caesar Sala
- [Random Joke]
A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to l
- [Random Joke]
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the hi
- [Random Joke]
A truck driver amused himself by running over lawyers as they walked down
- [Random Joke]
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't s
- [Random Joke]
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons w
- [Random Joke]
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hol
- [Random Joke]
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church, and having been told that
- [Random Joke]
A Koala bear walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich and the barte
- [Random Joke]
One day, God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden. God told Adam th
- [Random Joke]
My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex app
- [Random Joke]
A guy walks into a bar and notices he's the only one there, apart from the
- [Random Joke]
It seems that this old couple are having trouble remembering things, so they
- [Random Joke]
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and was eager to help
- [Random Joke]
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to
- A Review of the Pirated Copy of Windows 7 I Bought On eBay
- [Random Joke]
A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a
- [Random Joke]
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behi
- [Random Joke]
Johnny and Kip were playing hockey at Forest Park skating rink. Suddenly
- [Random Joke]
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACT
- [Random Joke]
Grandpa is running around in the nursing home with his privates hanging ou
- [Random Joke]
It was the first day of school in Marietta, Georgia, and a new student nam
- [Random Joke]
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces heig
- [Random Joke]
In the good old days of the golden oldies, most records were sold on the D
- [Random Joke]
An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents wer
- [Random Joke]
What do Skeletons say before eating? Bone Appetite.
What do blondes and
- [Random Joke]
A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed
- [Random Joke]
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. W
- [Random Joke]
Three couples wanted to be admitted into a new church. One was an elderly cou
- [Random Joke] Why you don't want a tsundere girlfriend in real life
- [Random Joke]
10. The church bus has gun racks.
9. The church staff consists of Senior
- [Random Joke]
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a
- [Random Joke]
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the dee
- [Random Joke]
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.
- [Random Joke]
A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a
- [Random Joke] Why do rappers carry umbrellas?
- [Random Joke]
A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Al
- [Random Joke]
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's mo
- [Random Joke]
At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of si
- [Random Joke]
Once upon a time, there was a nonconformist sparrow who decided to not fly
- [Random Joke]
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the
- [Random Joke]
There once were two Irishmen, named Shawn and Pat, who were the best of frien
- [Random Joke]
Outside a chemist in a busy street, a poor man is clutching onto a pole for d
- [Random Joke]
One day an elderly man decided that since he had never fathered any children
- [Random Joke]
Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the
- [Random Joke]
An 80 year woman married an 85-year-old man. After about six months
toge
- [Random Joke]
Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the
- [Random Joke]
Little Johnny was walking down the beach, and he spied a matronly woman si
- [Random Joke]
A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by
- [Random Joke]
A man and a woman had been dating for about a year, and their relationship wa
- [Random Joke]
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was misse
- [Random Joke]
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambul
- [Random Joke]
A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor.
She e
- [Random Joke]
President George W. Bush was going to a Home Depot. He was surrounded by his
- [Random Joke]
Instead of Astrological Signs, how about these .. What's Your Business Sign?
- [Random Joke]
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Listen," he says to the barte
- [Random Joke]
This couple just got married and was spending their honeymoon at a seclude
- [Random Joke]
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk and staggers
- [Random Joke]
"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous young man told his psychiatrist.
"No
- [Random Joke]
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the fron
- [Random Joke]
One day a boy approached his mother with a question. "Mom, how come every
- [Random Joke]
There's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like an old salt,
- [Random Joke]
An elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one
- [Random Joke]
When Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he said "One small step for man
- [Random Joke]
There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom. The Marine goes to leave
- [Random Joke]
Sayings That Should Be On Those Office Inspirational Posters:
If you can stay
- [Random Joke]
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's se
- [Random Joke]
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY
SICKNESS:
No excuse...We will no
- [Random Joke]
One day a farmer decided that he wanted to expand his chicken farming. In
- [Random Joke]
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the hous
- [Random Joke]
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their look
- [Random Joke]
Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the pl
- [Random Joke]
Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hour
- [Random Joke]
A beautiful woman walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it. She
- [Random Joke]
"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," Bob asked, "how you detect a mental defi
- [Random Joke]
A man dies and due to his evil and sinful life, goes to hell. The devil hi
- [Random Joke]
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for
- [Random Joke]
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his
- [Random Joke]
The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received
- [Random Joke]
Paddy and Murphy are knocking back a few pints of Guinness at the local pub a
- [Random Joke]
As he was quietly watching television at home, the chap heard a sound on t
- [Random Joke]
Dave works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then spends mos
- [Random Joke]
A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city par
- [Random Joke]
Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under th
- [Random Joke]
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words.
- [Random Joke]
10 It's Legal To Play Hockey Proffesionally
9 The Puck Is Always Hard
8
- [Random Joke]
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I
g
- [Random Joke]
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical mal
- [Random Joke]
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician were discussing the relative merits
- [Random Joke]
"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fish
- [Random Joke]
One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some mon
- [Random Joke]
A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill
- [Random Joke]
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one
- [Random Joke]
Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buc
- [Random Joke]
After years of his wife's pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her
- [Random Joke]
A blonde and her brunette friend were talking, when the blonde said, "I hate
- [Random Joke]
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club
- [Random Joke]
During a neighborhood party, Joe got into an argument with his neighbor, abou
- [Random Joke]
A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. Afte
- [Random Joke]
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The
- [Random Joke]
The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman ju
- [Random Joke]
A husband and wife were screwing up a storm. Afterward, the husband headed
- [Random Joke]
A man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast-food restauran
- [Random Joke]
There was a cat and a rooster wondering by a lake. Both were famished, lookin
- [Random Joke]
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you
- [Random Joke]
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at le
- [Random Joke]
A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.
- [Random Joke]
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While ther
- [Random Joke]
George was a bad loser. When he was cleaned out in a poker game for very high
- [Random Joke]
You Know You're In Trouble When ...
... Your accountants letter of resignati
- [Random Joke]
A man walks into a bar one night and asks for 3 drinks. The bartender asks
- [Random Joke]
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to
- [Random Joke]
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager screwing his
- [Random Joke]
Two storks are sitting in their nest - a father stork and baby stork. The
- [Random Joke]
A little boy hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what
- [Random Joke]
Two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they
- [Random Joke]
...man who run in front of car get tired.
..man who run behind car get
- [Random Joke]
Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the ladies room, ther
- [Random Joke]
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been
- [Random Joke]
Ehe Englishman, the French guy and the American are exploring Africa, when th
- [Random Joke]
There once was a snail that wanted to buy a Nissan Z car.
So, he went to
- [Random Joke]
A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony check and to
- [Random Joke]
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the p
- [Random Joke]
A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery. She hate
- [Random Joke]
A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The pl
- [Random Joke]
Jon was looking for a little "action." He picked up a sweet young thing at
- [Random Joke]
Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically t
- [Random Joke]
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said
- [Random Joke]
A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a wom
- [Random Joke]
A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Short
- [Random Joke]
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable
- [Random Joke]
Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely'
- [Random Joke]
A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber and asks h
- [Random Joke]
A panda walks into a pub and sits down for a drink. While he's downing his
- [Random Joke]
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there i
- IKEA Walkthrough
- [Random Joke]
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor'
- [Random Joke]
Why did the chicken cross the road?:
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a
- [Random Joke]
A lady walks into a tattoo parlor and asks the artist if she can get two tatt
- [Random Joke]
A software engineer, hardware engineer, and departmental manager were on thei
- [Random Joke]
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, prec
- [Random Joke]
A gay man was driving his sports car around the corner, when an eighteen-w
- [Random Joke]
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mo
- [Random Joke]
One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his ann
- [Random Joke]
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman who is shopping on Rodeo Drive a
- [Random Joke]
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church, and having been told that
- [Random Joke]
A trumpeter is hired to play two solos in a movie. After the sessions he i
- [Random Joke]
Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the wor
- [Random Joke]
A regular walks into a bar, looking blue. The bartender starts setting him
- [Random Joke]
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception co
- [Random Joke]
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. Durin
- [Random Joke]
In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops
- [Random Joke]
A first-grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child i
- [Random Joke]
A man goes to the confessional and begins "Forgive me Father, for I have si
- [Random Joke]
1. Blow out a huge depressed fart and blame it on the person next to you ou
- [Random Joke]
Some reasons that it's great to be a guy:
Phone conversations are over in 30 s
- [Random Joke]
Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically throu
- [Random Joke]
A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane.
- [Random Joke]
HOW TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU" IN 20 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:
English . . . . . .
- [Random Joke] Prawns and sharks
- [Random Joke]
Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are n
- [Random Joke]
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of
- [Random Joke]
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking
- [Random Joke]
A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there
- [Random Joke]
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you
- [Random Joke]
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best
- [Random Joke]
A Texan went to Chicago, where he thought he would buy a new "city" outfit.
- [Random Joke]
Breakfast:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk
- [Random Joke]
10. Your so-called "speed limits" mean nothing to me flatfoot. I live my li
- [Random Joke]
A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing t
- [Random Joke]
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said,
- [Random Joke]
One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his a
- [Random Joke]
I was walking through the supermarket to pick up a few things when I notic
- [Random Joke]
A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has
- [Random Joke]
A tourist goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the ju
- [Random Joke]
A priest at a parochial school, wanting to point out the proper behavior for c
- [Random Joke]
A man walks into a country club, and asks to play a round of golf. The man
- [Random Joke]
An Englishman, a Texan and a Polak are lost in the Nevada desert. After days w
- [Random Joke]
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with
- [Random Joke]
A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition
- [Random Joke]
There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three
- [Random Joke]
A man was digging in his garden, when his shovel hit a hard object buried i
- [Random Joke]
A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle h
- [Random Joke]
A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith for advice about breast enlargeme
- [Random Joke]
This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.
- [Random Joke]
A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to g
- [Random Joke]
A cowboy walks into a Saloon after he rode 150 miles on his horse in one day.
- [Random Joke]
After watching a rather hot love scene on cable, the husband looked over at
- [Random Joke]
A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.
When they reach the
- [Random Joke]
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable f
- [Random Joke]
A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind o
- [Random Joke]
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time
- [Random Joke]
The agent of a beautiful actress discovered one day that the actress had be
- [Random Joke]
In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting li
- [Random Joke]
Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, and Cindy Crawford are flying to a super
- [Random Joke]
A guy walks into a bar and notices he's the only one there, apart from the bar
- [Random Joke]
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching
- [Random Joke]
She's been on her knees more times than Billy Graham.
She's been laid on
- [Random Joke]
HOW TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU" IN 20 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:
English . . . . . . . .
- [Random Joke]
A man goes to his doctor and says, "Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I've go
- [Random Joke]
A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in LA and he's stopped in
- [Random Joke]
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry,
- [Random Joke]
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to t
- [Random Joke]
One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl,
- [Random Joke]
Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet
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